speaking to others

Here is what I spoke on today. God really blessed me. Read on if you are interested.

A strong woman knows she has strength enough for the journey, but a women of strength knows it is in the journey where she will become strong."

Being called fat. My husband's grandmother passed away. Having a man try to attack me inside of a store all because of trying to ask a question about a toy. A man going after runners in my neighborhood and I run 10+ miles a week. A man tried to get in my house while I was home with my wonderful three children. A friend purposefully hurting me. My son getting bullied at school. These are all the things that I have endured since starting the Changes that Heal class in September. Did these things hurt? Was it hard? Did God get my attention. YES!

As I mentioned, my family and I have endured quite a bit in the last couple of months. It was hard. I tried to hard to keep a smile on my face. I prayed every morning that I would glorify God in everything that I did. I tried to be the best mom that I could be. I tried to be the best wife that I could be. I tried to be a great friend, daughter-in-law, granddaughter and every other role that I am. I was very unhappy and felt like I was sinking. I felt that I was failing in life. I probably could have gone through just one of these just fine and been able to sail through it with God's help, but He probably would not have gotten my attention and I probably would not have been a changed person.

Let me make the connection for you. You see, I am a people pleaser. I want people to like me. It drives me crazy when someone does not like me for no reason at all. I can understand if I wrong someone and the amends are not made, but just not liking me drove me crazy. I can not tell you how much of my life that I have spent trying to get people to like me and worrying about what would happen next. Not only that, but worrying about things that “could” be or situations that would occur in my head, trying to guess what the other person was thinking or feeling. I probably have lost a lot friendships this way: expecting someone to act a certain way or have certain feelings for me or try to guess as to what was wrong in the relationship.

Through the class and the book “Changes that Heal” I have discovered many things. I can only be responsible for my thoughts and feelings. I can not control what other people feel AND I am not responsible for someone else's thoughts or feelings. How freeing is this??? If I have wronged someone, I can apologize and ask for forgiveness. But it is up to them what occurs next. They can forgive and we can move on. But if we don't, I can only worry about my next thoughts and actions. I can't worry about what I could have done but know that I have done my best to the glory of God.

It all comes down to the glory of God. If a friendship does not glorify God, I probably don't need it. If my thoughts are consumed by something, then I need to rid of the thoughts. I can not tell you how much of my life I have wasted by worrying about things that only existed in my head.

I also love to be in control. I try to give things to God but I worry and worry about it, when I truly never did give it to God. I now can give things to God and every time I worry about something or am consumed by something, I simply ask God to fill me up and I think of how I am glorifying Him. This totally changes my thoughts. It is not easy at first, but each and every day that I spend time thinking about God and His kingdom, the less I am consumed by other things.

Things that I have learned and hopefully you will find freedom in them as well:

Our feelings are our responsibility, other's feelings are their responsibility

When people hate us for being forgiving and compassionate, we are on the right track. Isn't that what Jesus went through?

When we take responsibility for someone else's feelings, we are crossing over their boundaries.

Be sensitive to other's choices

Our anger is usually a sign that someone has sinned against us

Own up to what is ours, but do not try to own what is not ours.

Do not put blame on the other person

We should NEVER compare ourselves to others; God made each one of us unique.

When you tie a chain around someone else's ankle, it will probably end up around your neck

Let other's have their choices and start taking responsibility for ours

Carry our own loads

You see, with all that went on for these past couple of months, I turned angry. I was bitter. I was mad at the world and didn't understand why God wouldn't help me. It took all of these things to get me face down on the ground for God to get my attention. You see, God doesn't have to do anything for us. He chooses to help us. He chooses the right time and the right circumstances to help us. What I was feeling was my choice, my anger, it had nothing to do with God and what He was not doing. It wasn't anyone else's fault either that I was feeling this way. People made certain choices to not be nice to me, but it was my choice to get angry, My choice to get bitter. My choice to dwell on it until it got the best of me. God did get my attention. God taught me a lesson. No matter what, I made my choices and they all must go with glorifying God. If it does not glorify God, then it does not belong in my life.

I have learned to set boundaries. I have learned that I do not have to have a relationship with a person, even if I am related to them. If I want something, I stand up for it. In the past, if someone did not approve, I would change my boundary to suit them. Now I set boundaries for myself. This is so freeing! Just last week, I set two boundaries. One hurt a little because it was not what the other person wanted to hear, but I was tired of getting hurt and my son getting hurt. The other boundary worked and I am a much better person because of it.

As the ladies in the James study, they will learn as I am learning to love your neighbor as yourself. This is one of the greatest commandments, to love your neighbors as yourself. We can love our neighbors but we can also respect one another's thoughts and feelings. Being a woman is hard enough and we tend to add so much drama that doesn't need to be there. (like trying to guess what our friend is thinking or feeling) Our book had an illustration of a yard. Keeping in our own yard and if we cross over the lines, someone is likely to get hurt. Just like the man who tried to enter my house. He crossed the “wall” or my boundary and it didn't feel good. Let's be nice, love one another and keep in one's own yard before hurting someone else and getting ourselves in trouble.

I am a changed person and I am much happier because of what I have endured. My marriage is better and I am a better mom because of my changes.

A strong woman knows she has strength enough for the journey, but a women of strength knows it is in the journey where she will become strong."